


Shrinking Rose

by citrusella



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: (basically), (in the sense that it follows a character as he ages), (internalized and from others), Ableism, Aged-Up Character(s), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Drabble, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Self-Doubt, Writing Exercise, just because I feel like the canon universe wouldn't result in the self loathing this fic exhibits, not my best work, or the rampant outside forces that would have put in the place he arrived at in this story, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:45:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8097412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella
Summary: Steven never felt bad about his stature.
Until he did.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Random drabble that came to me. I guess I wanted an angsty Steven? DX
> 
> Set with the idea in mind that he doesn't do much growing over the course of his life without forcing himself to a la shapeshifting.
> 
> This feels so out of character oh my gosh

He's nine when he realizes he hasn't grown much in height the previous year. He's invited Peedee—the only kid he talks to that's sort of close to his age—to his birthday party, and he notices that while he himself is almost exactly the same as he'd been the year before, Peedee has grown several inches in height.

The realization doesn't linger long, as the boys race in their tiny cars soon after and no one brings it up.

* * *

He's 12 when he first thinks his height might be a problem. He can't do things the other gems do yet, he's too short for some of the Funland rides, and he still can't reach some of the shelves in the car wash. His dad tells him he isn't really that short and he'll catch up, but is that the truth? When he hears stories about his mom, he can't help but focus on the fact that she was eight feet tall and he just… isn't.

But finding out all the things he _can_ do and helping the gems settle in to taking care of him takes the sting of not being quite like his mother away quickly, at least for the present.

* * *

He is 14 the first time he knows other people see him differently. Connie hadn't realized he's a year and a quarter older than her, and while that isn't the first taste he's had of feeling not-quite-human, it's the first that really stings—hard—for more than a moment at a time. He tries to shapeshift, to look older, taller, but that isn't the solution, he quickly finds out. For once, he's not just babylike, he's literally actually a baby.

Connie says it's fine, says she's okay with him not aging like a normal human, but how long will she actually keep feeling that way?

* * *

He is 18 the first time someone directly treats him badly for it. He's at Connie's junior prom, and someone calls him a… well, after he knows the meaning of the term, he doesn't want to think of what the guy called him. At first, he doesn't quite understand, his brow furrowing in confusion, but Connie pulls him away, out into the hall, before he can ask the guy anything. The person shouts another word that's hard to hear over the din as they walk away, but it's clear from the way Connie's eyes narrow that she's made it out clear as day.

Connie explains that the guy is a huge bully and the words he used were derogatory, only thrown into the fray to make Steven feel bad.

Mission accomplished. He feels terrible. It doesn't matter that they decide to go elsewhere and have their own dance, their own fun without the pressure of people judging. In his mind, he's made Connie leave something she really wanted to do, just to hang out with him.

And for what? He's babyish, too short, a——

* * *

He's 22 when it affects his personal life. It doesn't matter that he's a Crystal Gem, doesn't matter that she's a master swordfighter and "his liege", doesn't matter that they've been close for the better part of a decade. Connie doesn’t deserve him, and he certainly doesn't deserve her, so he tries to break up with her.

He tries to play it off as him giving her space for her schooling and her attempts to break into the world of politics, but she quickly manages to pull it out of him that he's concerned for how other people will see her, hanging out with someone like… like… him.

She doesn't let him break up with her, if only because it's obvious he doesn't actually want to.

She tries to make him happy, but it's hard when she hasn't experienced what's making him sad.

* * *

He's 23, and it's still affecting him, much more than it should. Amethyst and Peridot are going out for Shorty Squad™ antics, but Steven declines. Again. Amethyst gives him a worried but nonplussed look and tells him where they'll be if he wants to join them, but she knows he won't.

It's an absurd thought, but maybe he wouldn't have stayed so short if he'd never been a part of the squad. He wishes he could tear up his figurative membership card and join a bigger, better squad. A giant woman squad, perhaps?

But he can't, the same way he can't shapeshift long enough to be tall _all_ the time, the same way he can't be a human _or_ a gem but has to be both.

* * *

He's 24 when he does something _so unlike him_ because of it that he can't even bring himself to recount the experience when he realizes what he's done. It's just too far and not remotely suggestive of the kind, caring spirit he thought he had.

It's just another way he doesn't measure up.

* * *

He's 24 when he realizes he needs help.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so gentle I can't write derogatory terms even in the context of their being derogatory. 0_o (In regards to the section where he's 18. :-/)
> 
> but it's okay because this is one of those fics where I just kind of threw words onto the page anyway; I didn't even do much if any revision
> 
> I really only posted this because I didn't wanna delete the draft. Maybe also to make sure I was capable of this style of writing?
> 
> I really have no idea where this story came from or what it is even now. DX


End file.
